:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
