No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Drunk is not a location!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
