Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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