Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
