I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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