Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
