After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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