I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
