my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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