i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
