i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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