It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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