? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
