It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I love how my cats smell like pot.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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