He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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