I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
