I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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