stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
