so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
