i think my mom watched the whole time
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
