Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I need water and some morals
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
