I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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