i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
