I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
