Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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