I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
