I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
