my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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