I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
