I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My cat gives me a boner
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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