so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
