that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
