I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
