Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
