She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
