i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
