My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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