i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
