You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
