am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
