I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
