Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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