loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
