tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The chlamydia really affected his face.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
