We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
