I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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