News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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