Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
