I just cut my nipple shaving
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
