worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
