I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
