Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
