the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Houston, we have a blender
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
