when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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