i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
