sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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