i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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