i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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