Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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