i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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