Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize