Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
