i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
