I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
