All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
