She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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