Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
