Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
