Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
