I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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