And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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