She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
